(I’m using the same pic as before because it’s so true)
I know I wrote a little bit about her when we first started but I figured I should post an update. Not sure what all I wrote before so hope I don’t repeat anything.
She’s a breath of fresh air There’s been times I find myself thinking we’re going to get into a fight because that’s just something I guess I was conditioned into doing before but then she just brushes it off whatever it is and we move on. I had a problem in the beginning with getting defensive at times. Like I went to my friend’s house who’s a girl and I didn’t even tell my girlfriend because I was used to fighting constantly the whole time I’m with my friends about how much I prioritize my attention. So when I told her I was at my friend’s I started instantly trying to start a fight and she’s just like what are you doing? She doesn’t care when I’m with friends and she doesn’t get jealous. which allows me to do the same. No more stress, just trust and a worry free relationship.
I thought about this the other day; that if my girlfriend broke up with me I would be very sad, I’d miss her and miss seeing her. But… It wouldn’t stop me from living my life. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. And that’s because I made sure to tell myself over and over since the day we started going out that I don’t NEED her to be happy. I don’t rely on her for anything actually. That’s the mistake I made before, I did something against my nature and that’s hold someone way high on the totem pole. I thought of my ex as my entire world and of course I do that now but not the same way. When I think about her dumping me I don’t get watery eyed like I would have before. I don’t worry myself to exhaustion each night about us ending. And that doesn’t mean I don’t love her as much. Not at all, it just means I’ve matured. I don’t rely on anyone to make me happy. She makes me happy but I don’t need just her for me to be happy. I have plenty other things that make me happy.
It’s a fucking great feeling having all the worries off my chest and to be able to just breathe. To be able to just enjoy each day I have with her and not be scared about us ending. I tell her everything. No more keeping stuff to myself in fear of it starting a fight. I can tell her everything and she’s understanding and doesn’t get mad. When I go to my best friend’s house I am never on my phone because my girlfriend doesn’t like talking to me when I’m with my friend because she knows I don’t see him much. She doesn’t care that I might not talk to her much that night. Because she knows I’ll talk to her when I can.
Not to mention she’s my age. Older than me by 21 days. Great to not have that be a factor in any of our fights or a reason for any of them. She’s also very mature and that allows me to be mature as well.
Just… This is how it should be. This is how a relationship should be like. I got bad in my last one because that’s just how we were both conditioned to acting. We were used to fighting, jealousy, holding things from each other, etc. But if I just make sure to start this relationship right and just close off all the bad shit before it gets bad then that’s how the relationship will be. It’s like training a dog, you stop their bsd behavior before they keep doing it and they don’t know it’s bad. That’s what went wrong before. We didn’t stop our bad behavior and it got worse. I hope the same won’t happen this time.
She’s the anti-mainstream, non conforming girlfriend that I’ve been waiting for. She tells people what she thinks and she doesn’t act like somebody else. she’s the opposite of fake for sure.
Anyways so wow, this year started off so bad but look where I am now. Look how much can change. If you’re not n a bad spot in life just take a breath and wait. Don’t do something drastic because I promise things will change.
(by the way apparently this is my hundredth post so that’s cool.)