How to Get Over Your First Love

Step 1:  You won’t 

Advertisements

My Girlfriend 

(I’m using the same pic as before because it’s so true) 

I know I wrote a little bit about her when we first started but I figured I should post an update.  Not sure what all I wrote before so hope I don’t repeat anything. 

She’s a breath of fresh air  There’s been times I find myself thinking we’re going to get into a fight because that’s just something I guess I was conditioned into doing before but then she just brushes it off whatever it is and we move on.  I had a problem in the beginning with getting defensive at times.  Like I went to my friend’s house who’s a girl and I didn’t even tell my girlfriend because I was used to fighting constantly the whole time I’m with my friends about how much I prioritize my attention.  So when I told her I was at my friend’s I started instantly trying to start a fight  and she’s just like what are you doing?  She doesn’t care when I’m with friends and she doesn’t get jealous.  which allows me to do the same.  No more stress,  just trust and a worry free relationship. 

I thought about this the other day;  that if my girlfriend broke up with me I would be very sad,  I’d miss her and miss seeing her.  But…  It wouldn’t stop me from living my life.  It wouldn’t be the end of the world.  And that’s because I made sure to tell myself over and over since the day we started going out that I don’t NEED her to be happy.  I don’t rely on her for anything actually. That’s the mistake I made before,  I  did something against my nature and that’s hold someone way high on the totem pole. I thought of my ex as my entire world and of course I do that now but not the same way.  When I think about her dumping me I don’t get watery eyed like I would have before.  I don’t worry myself to exhaustion each night about us ending.  And that doesn’t mean I don’t love her as much.  Not at all,  it just means I’ve matured.  I don’t rely on anyone to make me happy.  She makes me happy but I don’t need just her for me to be happy.  I have plenty other things that make me happy. 

 It’s a fucking great feeling having all the worries off my chest and to be able to just breathe.  To be able to just enjoy each day I have with her and not be scared about us ending.  I tell her everything.  No more keeping stuff to myself in fear of it starting a fight.  I can tell her everything and she’s understanding and doesn’t get mad.  When I go to my best friend’s house I am never on my phone because my girlfriend doesn’t like talking to me when I’m with my friend because she knows I don’t see him much.  She doesn’t care that I might not talk to her much that night.  Because she knows I’ll talk to her when I can.  

Not to mention she’s my age.  Older than me by 21 days.  Great to not have that be a factor in any of our fights or a reason for any of them.  She’s also very mature and that allows me to be mature as well.  

Just…  This is how it should be.  This is how a relationship should be like.  I got bad in my last one because that’s just how we were both conditioned to acting.  We were used to fighting,  jealousy,  holding things from each other,  etc.  But if I just make sure to start this relationship right and just close off all the bad shit before it gets bad then that’s how the relationship will be.  It’s like training a dog,  you stop their bsd behavior before they keep doing it and they don’t know it’s bad.  That’s what went wrong before.  We didn’t stop our bad behavior and it got worse.  I hope the same won’t happen this time. 

She’s the anti-mainstream,  non conforming girlfriend that I’ve been waiting for.  She tells people what she thinks and she doesn’t act like somebody else.  she’s the opposite of fake for sure. 

Anyways so wow,  this year started off so bad but look where I am now.  Look how much can change.  If you’re not n a bad spot in life just take a breath and wait.  Don’t do something drastic because I promise things will change.  

(by the way apparently this is my hundredth post so that’s cool.) 

Where’s the Equality? 

August 24th,  2017

Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the little, yet apparently complicated thing for people to grasp; Equality.  

The definition online says  it means “the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.” I just don’t t understand why this state of being isn’t as simple to achieve as it sounds. Apparently it’s just impossible for everyone to be treated the same.  

I realized as I was thinking about this is that there always has to be two or more sides.  Ever since the beginning of humans,  there has never been just one united group.  Everywhere you look,  there’s a divided group and usually a fight between the two or more groups.  

Politics… They felt the need to divide into two groups.  Why couldn’t they just have one group with multiple opinions in it?  Having two groups creates a sense of unity amongst one group but it creates enemies between the two groups. If they had just one political group then voting for who would be president would involve a lot more individual thought.  Instead of just voting for somebody because they are from your party.  It would involve people actually viewing each candidate and seeing if they share the same values.  

There’s so many examples of two sides I don’t even want to list them all but I’ll say a few.  Just everywhere you go you see a fight between two groups.  Men/women,  black/white, (even skin tone between black people, are you fucking kidding me?)  north/south,  poor/rich,  young/old, etc.  I could go on forever.  Why is it human nature to divide every single thing so that there’s fighting?  Why can’t we just live on this planet as fucking equals?  That’s how it should be.  We all share the same planet.  We are all humans who all look the exact same on the inside.  There is no reason to fight each other.  I wish people could just put on their equality glasses and realize that everyone is the same.  It’s a sad world to live in knowing people will fight you about anything.  Every one is fighting nowadays.  Whites criticizing blacks;  and for what?  because they have a different skin color.  They are fighting over a fucking color.  There is no other reason.  They hate a specific kind of human just because they have different color skin.  I just cannot wrap my head around that.  

Me personally?  I view everyone as equal.  I don’t view anyone higher or lower than me in any kind of status.  I’m an atheist and I believe that it has something to do with my views on equality.  I would never in a billion years worship somebody.  If I got strong proof that God exists.  Like some giant hand came down or something.  I would thank him for creating us,  I would have to change some of my views on science but otherwise that’s it.  I wouldn’t worship him.  I wouldn’t leave my life to be controlled by him.  Nothing,  because he is no better or worse than me.  

I got into a bit of a disagreement with my girlfriend. She said something along the lines of a guy not being able to hit a girl and I told her I believe guys should be allowed to hit a girl back if she hits him.  I told her that if a guy OR girl is immature enough instead of walking away but to hit somebody randomly or even if the person is simply making them angry. Then they deserve to face whatever they start. I don’t view women as inferior to men.  I don’t believe they are weak.  I don’t see why a guy is supposed to get hit by a girl and not do anything back.  Of course I don’t think anyone should be hitting anyone.  But as I said,  if someone wants to be that violent over nothing.  Then they should face what they started.  My girlfriend didn’t really agree.  She couldn’t see a guy hitting a girl as right. Of course it isn’t right but neither is a girl hitting a guy.  None of it is right,  none of it should be happening.  But if a girl flipped out on me for no reason and started hitting me,  I’d hit her back.  I’m not an abuser or some guy who hits people.  But I view everyone as the same.  If a guy hit me,  I’d hit him back. I don’t treat men or women any different.  I believe in equality through and through. Even in these tough type of scenarios.  

This world is so divided and there will be sides to everything you see.  But just remember we are on this earth a limited time.  We will share this earth during that time and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.  Don’t waste your limited time fighting when you could spend it showing love and just enjoying your life.  Don’t worry about what other people are doing ir what they look like.  Just focus on yourself. 

My Trip: Day 17, Going home 

July 9th,  2017

Nothing to do today but fly and sit in airports.  I left our hotel in a taxi to the hotel as I said goodbye to Bucharest and soon to Europe altogether.  This was the trip of a lifetime and I probably won’t get another trip like this until I’m retired or have a long vacation from my future career. 

Travelling was an extremely fun and new experience that I will never forget.  It showed me what it’s like on the other side of the planet.  How different people live outside of America.  It made me feel small compared to this vast planet we live in. Discovery channel never really cut it for me in terms of showing how others live in Europe.  experiencing it in person is the real way of learning. Thia year has been so great so far.  I met my girlfriend and learned that my life wasn’t ao bad.  I traveled outside of the country and I lived on the other side of the state and experienced that.  I’ve really pushed myself to try new things and I’m proud of myself.  There’s more planned for me this year.  I hope to see my girlfriend this summer and I hope to go to Vegas for my 21st birthday in November and I plan to go skydiving.  I plan to go back to school in my hometown and find a job I can stay at for a long period.  

I have many plans for the future and I believe this year is the start of it all.  I needed to get travelling out of the way and broaden my horizon a little before I narrowed my sights back on school.  I needed this trip for sure.  Now all I need ia to see my girlfriend and I will be set on beginning my life.  

The first hour and a half flight was a breeze. The security in Istanbul was a breeze,  I got a pretty good sandwich and then we didn’t have to wait long for the next flight either. I got onto the next plane and remembered me and my grandma are sitting in row of three with nobody between us.  So far travelling today has been very easy.  Ans this is our long flight.  And it seems like it’ll go well.  Also I was looking at this picture of a cat I took on my trip and then I heard this meowing and I thought I was going crazy but really a passenger brought like,  three cats in their carriers and they’re meowing a lot because they’re scared.  I took a picture of one in it’s little carrier thing.  So cute.  It’s going to be meowing all flight. 

Ugh so we went on the first two flights,  one was 1 1/2 hours,  one was 10 hours.  Then our one we just got off of was 4 hours.  Too much flying for me.  Grandma didn’t plan well with the taxi at all of course.  So we’re just sitting around and she doesn’t know what she’s doing. 

I’ll be glad to be rid of all that once I get home.  I’m tired and just want to rest.  But this has been a good trip and I’m lucky to have been able to go.  

My Trip: Day 16

July 8, 2017

Today’s the last day that we walk around and see the sights.  Tomorrow we will be taking like,  4 different planes to get home and we will have several layovers.  Tomorrow will be the worst day of the trip most likely

We went on a tour pretty much all day.  We got picked up at 7 and we got back at 7. It was just us and a tour guide named Teo.  He was very nice and smart.  He took us to a few castles including the one that was used as the setting for Dracula’s castle.  It was not how I was expecting it to be. He took us to another castle too and it had a ton of cool looking weapons and knight armors.  I can’t remember the name of either castle though. 

The guy that wrote Dracula based Dracula off of a real guy named Vlad the impaler. Vlad was pretty bad ass. He was cool cause his castle was in the middle of a forest or something and he would go out and poison all the Wells and eating supplies along the way.  So when thousands of soldiers in the other army came for him and his little army.  They’d die of the poison or not eat or drink so they’d be starving and then he’d always have some of their men captured so he’d put their men all cut up and stuck on spikes on the way of the trail as well.  So the soldiers were starving and also going insane from seeing their friends dead and they’d get to the castle all insane and he’d just kill them.  He was smart like that.  He was also very strong.  He’d challenge his men to duals and if anyone beat him they could be the new leader.  But no one ever did obviously. He’d also be in the front of each battle and he’d never get hit or hurt at all. So they believed him to be invincible. They had a rumor that at 12 he would drink a pint of human blood.  That’s sort of where the author got it from for Dracula.  But Vlad eventually was betrayed by his brother who got a lot of money from it.  

Anyways so we saw all that and we went to a little town that I have no idea the name.  We had lunch,  I got fried chicken for some reason. I don’t even like fried chicken so I don’t get why I ordered it. It came with a garlic sauce that was strong but good.  I also got a Dracula Lemonade.  Which was red and had ginger flakes in it.  I’ve had two unique kinds of lemonade this trip.  Ginger and I also had mint in Sofia.  

Our guide was really nice but he was way into politics.  God I had to listen to him and my grandma talk shit about Trump for a long time.  It got real annoying,  real fast. 

Now I’m just in my room resting.  Contemplating on if I should go walk outside for the last time or just rest for the long day tomorrow.  This is my last night in Europe for a very long time most likely.  I think I should probably go.  I just hope my grandma won’t come. 

I walked around for hours.  I bought a few magnets and I was going to get my girlfriend a bag but the store closed when I decided I was going to get it.  So that sucks.  

It was a good last day to this trip.  Tomorrow will be a lot of travelling but I’m so excited to get home and try to find a job.  My girlfriend might come visit me this summer and I need money. 

My Trip: Day 15

No wake up call,  no schedule really,  most of the people from the tour already left and are on their long flights heading home or wherever they’re heading. We head downstairs to have breakfast and a couple people from our tour are still here.  enough for us all to sit at a table.  Feels weird not seeing everyone that’s usually here.  I feel kind of sad actually.  It’s like…  The people I’ve seen every morning for the past two weeks are gone.  I’ll probably never see them again.  It’s oddly sad to me.  

Getting up early and having to rush to eat our breakfast and get on the bus.  I really loved that for some weird reason.  Maybe I feel sad  because I’m used to that schedule and I’m a guy who once I get in a pattern and schedule, I stick to it.  So I feel sad because I’m out of schedule right now and it feels wrong.  Not seeing anyone from our group anywhere,  not having a certain time to have to get ready for.  I feel weird about it all.  I kind of feel like how you feel after you finish a show after binging it on Netflix or maybe watching it every week for years.  You get used to the habit of seeing it at a certain time or you get used to the characters being around you but once you finish it you start to feel sad because it’s like they’re gone.  That’s the best way to describe how I’m feeling.  

I keep thinking about what’s happening next.  Because on the tour, we were in a different country almost everyday.  We woke up around 6 everyday after the wake up call in the room.  We’d hurry and get dressed and then we’d hurry and eat our fancy breakfast.  Then we’d all get on that coach bus of ours,  ready to see what’s next. Something very different each day.  That’s so against my nature but for some reason I loved not knowing what we’d see next.  I loved being in that schedule and pattern,  hearing the plans from Mario as we drove out of the city we’d stay in.  Ugh,  This is a weird feeling I’m having.  I wonder if there’s a word for it. It kind of also feels like a break up in a way.  Looking at the pictures of my trip and wishing I could go into the picture and live it again.  Very weird feeling. 

Well,  since we have no schedule and we have already ventured through Sofia,  where we’re staying.  we’re just hanging out in our room for a little bit.  fortunately we only have about an hour flight today.  Not even that bad.  I thought we’d a have a lot of travelling but I guess the place we’re going isn’t far.  We’re going to be there a night I think?  Hopefully.  Then we leave and have an extremely long day of travelling that I’m so not looking forward to.  

I miss my girlfriend.  Haven’t been able to skype her here because I share a room with my grandma and I don’t want her listening.  The time zone difference is crazy between me and her.  It’s usually 3 hours but now it’s much more.  

I’ve just been laying in my hotel room for hours.  I’m kinda of done with this trip.  I’ve had an amazing experience that I’ll never forget but I’m just wanting to go home now.  Not much else I’m interested in where we’re going.  I don’t think a 10ish hour car ride tomorrow is going to be worth it.  Wish we could have left when everyone else did.  But oh well,  nothing I can do but just try to enjoy the time I have left in Europe. 

Getting on and off the plane was pretty easy. It was only an hour flight and it barely took any time at all.  We arrived in Bucharest and we got a taxi ride to our hotel.  The taxi driver was incredibly nice and offered to stop for us to get water and he told us where things were and stuff.  But he ended up charging us more than necessary I think.  The currency here is about 3-4 times an American dollar.  

the night life here is great.  Music playing everywhere you go. There’s a bar right outsidw our room and I think the music will be playing all night probably.  I really think this place would be almost as good as Split,  Croatia but my grandma wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone.  In Split I peft her at the hotel and walked alone outside while people were partying and I wanted so bad to do that here but she wouldn’t just go back to the hotel room.  But oh well,  I got some good pictures and I walked a decent amount evem if it was slow having to wait for her old ass. 

The people here are really nice. The girl behind the desk in the hotel said she’d get us breakfast to go because we’re getting a tour early in the morning before their breakfast.  I want to come back to this city by myself or with some friends.  I really like it here for some reason. 

Well,  it was a long day and mainly didn’t do anything but the things I did do were fun so that’s good.  Dracula castle tour for tomorrow and then coming home the next day. 

My Trip: Day 14

Today’s been a pretty good last day with the people of the tour.  We woke up and we had a decent breakfast in the hotel.  Then we all gathered to go out and walk to the market.  This was the only annoying part of the day.  

I was expecting this to be a day where we all just split up and do our own thing. But they were trying to make it a big group deal.  It was fucking annoying because we just wanted to go shopping while the old farts wanted to go see the museum and stuff.  And us young kids were using our phones to lead them to where they wanted to go.  But all they did was complain the whole time about how they thought we were not going the right direction.  They were over there looking at their maps and the position of the sun while we were using our GPS.  A long story short,  we got there and we left them there.  

Me,  the girls,  and their grandma and aunt all walked to the market area and we looked at all the shops.  One of the girls is really,  really bossy and she tries to make her younger sister do everything.  I feel bad for the sister because she gets annoyed and I feel like she thinks everyone takes her older sister’s side.  When really I’m taking hers.  Then she kind of pouts and walks with the grandma the whole day.  Which is slightly immature but I kind of don’t blame her.  

Anyways,  I bought a wallet made out of a German newspaper that was made in the 30s.  Plus some other stuff like magazines and stuff.  The stuff in the store was made entirely out of recycled material.  I really liked it actually.  And my wallet is really cool. 

We walked about 7 hours and we took the subway back to our hotel.  Then I just kind of rested and took a shower and then we went downstairs to have a beer.  

Then at 6:50 we all gathered around the lobby and got ready to get on a bus to take us to our restaurant we’re having our goodbye dinner at.  Still can’t believe this is the last night with these people.  The days have gone by so so fast.  

The dinner was good but maybe not as good as ao was thinking it’d be.  I was hoping it’d be more like the Vienna vineyards like the first night we stayed here.  It wasn’t as good and we only go one glass of wine so…  What’s even the point.  

No but the food was good and we got to spend our last moments with our new friends.  As were given several courses of food and also got to watch the entertainers dancing and singing.  They also danced in fire or something like that but I didn’t get to see that part. 

All in all,  it was a good last night.  Many memories were made on this trip and I’m so happy I went.  

This isn’t officially my last day of the trip but it pretty much is the last day because for the next couple days it’ll just be me and my grandma.  It won’t be that fun anymore.